3 Tips for When Your Spouse Refuses Couples Counseling

Dec 29, 2016

It's a common dilemma: you know that attending couples counseling would help you and your spouse learn to communicate better, gain more intimacy, and navigate your relationship issues, but your spouse refuses to consider the idea. Here are a few tips for handling this difficult scenario:

Modify Your Approach
Sometimes the thought of couples counseling makes one partner uncomfortable and defensive because they assume they are going to get blamed for all of your relationship issues. Approach the issue in a non-accusatory,loving, and collaborative way. Emphasize that you are on the same team and that this is something you can do together to strengthen your relationship and achieve greater joy together. Ask your partner why they are reluctant to attend couples counseling and make an effort to really listen to their response.

Attend Individual Counseling
If your partner won't budge on the issue, you should still consider attending counseling on your own. Your therapist will help guide you through this difficult season in your relationship, help you achieve clarity, build your self esteem if that's an issue you're experiencing, and give you better relationship and communication tools. While you can't "fix" your spouse or heal your relationship all on your own, you can help steer things in a healthier direction for both of you.

Practice Exercises at Home
One of the benefits of couples counseling is that it provides couples with exercises designed to help them understand each other better and grow more intimate. Ask your spouse if they would be willing to try some of these exercises at home as a compromise since they don't want to go to counseling with you. Your individual therapist will be a great resource for this sort of relationship-building activity.

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