Is "Happily Ever After" Possible?

Dec 31, 2020

Since our childhood years, we have been sold the idea of "happily ever after" and we have bought into it. We've been told through fairy tales and romantic movies that the wedding day, the moment you promise yourself to someone else, is the end of the story. We cheer the start of a couple's life together, and we tie it all up with the happy bow of "and they lived happily ever after."

Often in our own stories, however, that is not the case. "Ever after" becomes a very long time, and it is not always lived happily. Mortgages, job demands, children, finances, and other problems drive home just how much a fairy tale concept is "happily ever after." Eventually, after one too many mistakes, one too many nights sleeping in separate rooms, or one too many dinners eaten in silence--if it is eaten together at all--the idea starts to enter your mind that your relationship might be broken beyond repair. You start to wonder if the two of you are doomed to fail. What if you're losing the most important relationship of your life? Is there any hope?

The answer is yes! There is always hope! However, unlike the fairy tales and movies that told us relationships were easy, rebuilding a relationship is a very difficult thing to do. You have to be willing to work at it, and work hard. Here are some key things to keep in mind that will help you ensure success as you rebuild your relationship:

• Refuse to back out. You have to commit to the relationship. If you keep the proverbial back door open, you will always be tempted to use it. You have to be willing to say that you're all in, no matter what. Rebuilding a relationship is not for the faint of heart, and you have to be strong enough to do it.
• Forgive the past and hope for the future. It is true that a broken relationship is not something that happens overnight. It is a culmination of lots of mistakes and miscommunications over time piling up on top of each other. These problems are real, and they will need to be addressed. However, unless you are willing to forgive your significant other (and yourself)--to put away past mistakes and hope for better in the future--then those issues will become a millstone around the neck of your relationship. You cannot rebuild if you are dwelling on what has happened before. You have to be able to let the past go and move toward the future.
• Get a licensed counselor to help you. The truth is that both you and your significant other are so emotionally invested in this relationship that it's impossible for either of you to be objective. You need the trained eyes and wisdom of a licensed counselor to help you both navigate your feelings and find the real issues underneath. Through that counselor's help, you can finally start to bridge the emotional distance that's developed between you and start to reclaim the joy you had when your relationship first started.

There's no such thing as too late to start to rebuild. There is always hope. Whether you've only been dating a few months or you've been married for years, if your relationship feels broken and needs to be rebuilt, you can start the path to healing today. If you live in the areas of Fresno, Kingsburg, Oakhurst, or Vialia, Jodi Mitchell is a licensed Marriage and Family Counselor who has been practicing since 2009. Her expertise can help you and your loved one reclaim the love that brought you together. Contact her today to make an appointment, and get back to your own "Happily Ever After."